Evening Times

Irish Jokes

GIVE MY HEAD PEACE Saturday, BBC2, 11pm THE hit Northern Irish comedy show, starring Alexandra Ford (right) as the gloriously tacky glamour-girl Dympna, returns to our screens for a new series tonight.

Girls Fight for Oscars and Top Frock Award

76TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS, Sunday, BBC1, 12.50am THE Oscar roadshow rolls into Hollywood again tonight.

Royal Rascal's Life of Intrigue

THE BADNESS OF KING GEORGE Saturday, Channel 4, 7pm EXPECT treachery, intrigue and a hefty helping of royal fruit- loopery in this dramatised retelling of the life of King George IV.

Harrison's Southern Comfort

WBO featherweight champion Scott Harrison concedes he was a relieved man when southpaw Walter Estrada was named as his replacement opponent for the second defence of his title on March 6 at Braehead Arena. The Cambuslang fighter had been preparing for a bout against William Abelyan before injury forced the Armenian southpaw to withdraw from the contest earlier this week.

Gerry Should Make It

PARTICK Thistle boss Gerry Britton should overcome tendonitis of the knee to lead the Jags' line in today's must-win Motherwell clash. Co-boss Derek Whyte said: "Gerry has been suffering from tendonitis caused by the bone-hard pitches, but he will make it.

Gerry Should Make It; Injury Scare for Jeff

PARTICK Thistle boss Gerry Britton should overcome tendonitis of the knee to lead the Jags' line in today's must-win Motherwell clash. Co-boss Derek Whyte said: "Gerry has been suffering from tendonitis caused by the bone-hard pitches, but he will make it.

Kenny Makes Changes

Queen's Park boss Kenny Brannigan will wield the axe ahead of today's Hampden visit of Peterhead. The Spiders gaffer fired: "Stewart Kettlewell is back from suspension and I could well give him a start.

Pitch Inspections

THE cold snap has taken its toll on today's fixture card, and a number of fixtures face pitch inspections. Remember to check with host clubs before travelling.

Ton Trio Suspended

Morton boss John McCormack faces a triple suspension blow ahead Berwick's visit. He said: "John and Marco Maisano, and Scottie Bannerman are suspended. However, I believe we have the squad here to cope with that kind of problem."

I Can't Rebuild Gers with Bosmans; Eck Blast at Ibrox Board

ALEX McLEISH last night warned the Rangers board that he can't rebuild his team by shopping in the Bosman market. The Ibrox gaffer responded to comments this week from his chairman John McClelland, that his transfer budget this summer would be "modest".

Official: Hunt Is On for Henrik 2

MARTIN O'NEILL has confirmed the search for Henrik Larsson's replacement is officially underway. The Celtic manager insisted the poverty-pleading Parkhead board recognise they must put up big money to deliver a new hitman.

Inquiry Row Over 'Missing' Letters; Royal Mail Denies Problem Reported by Post Watchdog

By Katie Smith A MAIL watchdog has called for an urgent inquiry into claims that post is going missing or being damaged. Postwatch Scotland, the consumer watchdog for postal services, called for the investigation after being "inundated" with calls from furious customers in East Kilbride, South Lanarkshire.

Driver in Icy River Saved by Air Pocket

A MAN trapped in his car when it plunged into an icy river cheated death by finding an air pocket in his vehicle. Rescuers said Craig Sanderson, 40, was lucky to be alive after his overturned car sank in the river.

Scots Shiver As Big Freeze Bites; Drivers Warned to Stay Home in North Scotland

SCOTLAND is still in the grip of freezing weather with heavy snow causing treacherous driving conditions. Roads were closed and motorists warned not to travel in certain parts of the country.

Passion Takes (Pounds) 12m in Two Days

MEL GIBSON'S controversial film The Passion of the Christ had one of the best midweek opening days in the US ever, taking more than (pounds) 12million at the box office. That makes it the fifth highest midweek opening in US cinema history, behind films like The Matrix Revolutions and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

Us Cancer Drug Hope for Britain

A revolutionary drug that starves tumours could be available in Britain in about a year. Avastin was "fast tracked" in the USA because of outstanding results from a trial of patients with advanced bowel cancer.

Trains Chaos As Runaway Cow Shot; Police Marksman Shoots Escaped Beast After 30 Trains Delayed

HUNDREDS of train passengers faced chaos when a runaway cow escaped on to a railway line at a Scots seaside town. Almost 30 trains running between Glasgow and Ayrshire were severely delayed for four hours until police marksmen were brought to the scene to kill the animal.

Dog Gets the Lion's Share of Love ...

LIKE many loving mothers in the animal kingdom, this dog shows her affection for her 'baby' by gently nibbling its ear as they snuggle up together. But that's no puppy with Tarzan the dog ... it's a six-week-old lion cub.

Footsie Hit by Profit-Takers

THE London market suffered a reversal of fortunes after profit- taking ended hopes of a 19-month high. After racking up gains of more than 40 points, the FTSE 100 Index went into reverse to close the trading week 23.7 points lower at 4492.2.

Points

OAPs are easy target for tax OUR local councillors seem to regard the people they represent as blank cheques to fund their mismanagement.